Talking About Hard Things Without a Fight
How we say something matters as much as what we say. Calm, clear words help the other person listen.
Signs you may notice
- Conversations that turn into arguments
- Days of silence after a disagreement
- Feeling unheard
- Saying things in anger that you regret
- Avoiding topics that matter
What can help
- Pick a calm time to talk
- Use "I feel ... when ... I would like ..."
- Listen without interrupting, then repeat what you heard
- Avoid "always" and "never"
- Take a break if things heat up, and agree to come back
- Agree on one small next step
When to reach out
If conflict includes threats, name-calling that hurts or violence, seek help. Couples and family therapy can help. In an emergency, call 911.
Free worksheets
Download free, bilingual worksheets you can use at home or bring to a session.
See free worksheetsFrequently asked questions
What signs should I notice?
Conversations that turn into arguments; Days of silence after a disagreement; Feeling unheard; Saying things in anger that you regret; Avoiding topics that matter.
What can help?
Pick a calm time to talk; Use "I feel ... when ... I would like ..."; Listen without interrupting, then repeat what you heard; Avoid "always" and "never"; Take a break if things heat up, and agree to come back; Agree on one small next step.
When should I look for help?
If conflict includes threats, name-calling that hurts or violence, seek help. Couples and family therapy can help. In an emergency, call 911.
Where can I find help in Spanish in Oregon?
Use the Sanar Network directory to find bilingual and culturally responsive providers in Oregon, or read our resource guide for crisis lines, therapy, addiction help and health insurance by county.
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